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Hi, my name is Pudge and I’m overweight

This is my name card. As you can read, I’m a butcher working for The Scourge. I run a stall near the hospital and I only sell fresh meats.
I spend most of my free time chopping meats and eating any leftovers. If you look at my picture [the one holding knife not], you can see that I’m overweight, fat and ugly.

One day, my friend asked me to join DoTA, a diet program conducted by geeks and nerds. Here’s a list of exercises that I must do in DoTA.

[1]Jogging with creeps

I’m fat and slow. :-/
Calories burned: 30 cal x 10 minutes= 300 cal

[2]Hooking the enemies
My hook is special, it can snatch enemy 10 meters away from me.

Hooking Beastmaster
Calories burned:213 cal

Hooking Centaur Warchief
Calories burned: 252 cal

Blindy hooking Centaur Warchief
Calories burned: 254 cal

Sometimes my hook saves my friends from being killed

Saving Bane Elemental
Calories burned: 198 cal

And sometimes I missed my target

Total calories burned: 0 cal

[3]Sweat till rot
Sweating removes fat from my body. But I’m afraid of getting dehydrate.

Calories burned: 13 x15 minute= 195 cal

Actually, I hate doing excercises because it just makes me more hungry and tired.

Sometimes I take a nap..zZz

Calories burned: 0 cal

The worst thing is, I can’t hold myself from eating the enemies.

Eating Beastmaster
Calories gained: 723 cal

Eating Chen
Calories gained: 594 cal

Eating Skeleton King.
Calories gained: 137 cal

Eating Juggernaut, guess where is he.
Calories gained:443 cal

Total calories loss: 300+213+252+254+198+195-723-594-137-443= -485

It looks like this diet program is a failure. I’m tired of all these things.I guess it’s better for me to die..